Have you ever met someone who just seems to see the world slightly tilted, who just seems to refuse to grow the rest of the way up? Who has that strange ability to enjoy even the smallest of things? Who is easily amused and gives love with such abandon that you think they might just be a little nuts? Have you ever met someone who is strong and capable and always has a book or project in the works? Who always seems to have something going on inside, even when they are sitting still? Someone who most would consider eccentric and who seems to like and hang out with other eccentric types? If you haven’t…you have now!
Hello, I am Bekki. I not only like these things about myself, I encourage it in others. One day I woke up at 33 years old and looked in the mirror and discovered someone that wasn’t even remotely me. I had been married 12 years and was not very happy. In fact I weighed 220 pounds, hardly ever left the house, and had at some point lost that loving feeling for my spouse, mostly, because we were two emotionally crippled people who married out of loneliness and a need to be loved.
What startled me most was the voice in my head. She was a younger me and she was royally pissed. She was the artistic poet who wore purple socks. The girl who talked like a magpie all through school and who others looked at and rolled their eyes, since they couldn’t figure her out even then. She was also my best friend, the one I left behind in my hurry to be understood and loved. She was mad as a hatter and madder still at me for letting that part of myself go. She wanted to know when I intended to be the real me and stop this insane path I was on. What a wake-up call!
I started exercising. Meeting people. Singing out loud and dancing while walking. I started examining my life and facing facts. I admitted my faults and forgave my past hurts. I let go of the control and let my life take it’s own path. The one my soul wanted, not the one I felt duty-bound to follow.
I told my hubby I wanted to change. 2 months later I told him I was changing and he wasn’t going to like the new me. I knew this because he was the same, but I had begun to be changed. He was also part of the problem. Though, he is an always will be, my friend, he has major work of his own to do and I had finally admitted it to myself. I couldn’t save my marriage. I could only save myself.
I am not done, but I am working on it. I have lost 60 pounds so far, but the most work has been on the inside. I am “that girl” again and I love it. I feel released from jail and I like the me that is emerging. I bought some purple socks, moved to Wisconsin and am working on a degree through Kaplan University! Things are changing and I am emerging, slowly, but she is there when I look in the mirror more and more each day!
Drop me a line if you want:
Bekki.bedow@gmail.com
December 31, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Wow. A great story of liberation and well written. I can relate to some of what you say. I way I look outside and the age I feel inside are 2 very different creatures. Congratulations and keep at it. I not sure any of us are ever “done”.
December 31, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Thanks it’s an on-going process. The weirdest part is how good of friends Mark and I are now. It’s like we were meant to be friends instead of spouses. He is happier now too. Which really made me feel better about making the whole life changing choice to split. I think I like me better now too. I am a different person. It has only been 2 months but I have changed dramatically. It is like something inside me was just waiting for the chance to emerge.
January 10, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Have a question, Bek. How did you get the photo of you up in your header area on your main page? I’ve been trying to figure it out and can’t find the directions anywhere. Do you know where they explain this, or can you help me?
January 10, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Actually I took a photo and cropped it out to the correct pixel size and copy pasted the photo onto it using Paint,I then went to the presentation section which has a header loader. It has it in some themes and not in others so check and see if you have it first. If you send me your picture you want and the header background you like I will happily do it and mail it back to you for upload. I have a ton of time during the day to devote to it. Until I get a job anyway.
January 11, 2008 at 3:56 am
Okay, I just spent an hour fooling with this and I’ve managed to upload a picture from our personal photo album of Lake Superior. That is now my Custom Header. That was the easy part. I finally figured out how to get a picture into my Sidebar, and I’m going to call that good enough for now! Now I don’t have time to write a post!
January 11, 2008 at 6:02 am
I will check it out..good job!
January 24, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Good for you! And if people roll their eyes at you when you talk like a magpie, its just because they’re jealous that they can’t talk that way.
January 24, 2008 at 11:21 pm
(smile) thanks
January 27, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Awesome! You sound like you have really discovered yourself..or I should say, you sound like you are having fun discovering yourself. Thanks for linking to my little blog!
-Demetria
January 29, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Isn’t it great when we lose and then find ourselves again? The getting lost part only makes us better appreciate who we really are, I think. So it all serves a purpose.
Congratulations from a fellow purple sock fan!
January 29, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Thanks!! It is great. I find more to like about me every day.
February 3, 2008 at 12:30 am
[...] name is Bekki and you can find her at Nectarfizz’s [...]
February 14, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Peace be upon you,
I’ve read your about section before– I’ve read it again. Somehow, its a strog the is testamtnet to the fact change is possible for the better– may you be guided to peace.
Returning home from a long journey, was nice to be surprised. It came to my attention you’ve linked to Dont be sad– without supporters like you Dont be sad is at a great loss. Really.
All those who link to Dont be sad are catalogued in the Dont be sad network. You’ll find your blog under “N”.
Do feel most welcome at the blog– your input, your suggestions and criticisms would be very much needed and appreciated.
Kind regards,
Dont be sad
February 14, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Oh, thanks.
February 22, 2008 at 1:31 am
So glad you’re ‘that girl’ again. It’s very important not to lose yourself in this crazy life. I can see I’m going to like you. Looking forward to reading more!
February 22, 2008 at 1:32 am
Thanks so very much. I like you too. I added you to my blogroll after I stole you from a friend. LOL
March 7, 2008 at 1:10 pm
March 17, 2008 at 7:30 am
Thank you for your precious words, they are beautiful, no matter where you put them to work.
March 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Oh, thanks so much Amanda! I love that you are from Africa. I loved the African reps who came to Disney. It was a fantastic experience learning about the cultures you have there. I hope one day I get to go there and see it for myself.
March 18, 2008 at 9:27 am
well, if you, you’ll have a place to stay
March 24, 2008 at 3:39 am
Oh, now i really want to see what’s under the peeps only page, secrets as well as all these wonderful qualities, hmm,
April 23, 2008 at 11:35 pm
You’re on there now Paul! You need to get the password to check it out!
May 24, 2008 at 12:32 am
Bekki,
Your story is moving…I am proud of you. Most people lack the conviction or are far too passive to listen to their mind and soul. Also, thanks for the comment about my new decks. As always, you rock!
Take it easy,
Shane - W70
June 12, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Shane thank you. I didn’t catch this comment until now. Like your art you are unique and wonderful!