being alone sucks!

Well there it is, the truth of my heart, I am lonely. I want more than anything to laugh with someone I then have the luxury of snogging the crap out of if I so choose. I have this view of the world I long to share with someone. I want to make them giggle like they are still in elementary school and the teacher has already shushed us like 20 times, cause we keep catching each others eye and it sets us off aknew. I want to make comments like “When weebles walk with weary whispers” and have them grin, cause they know I am nuts and that they are that little bit of nuts too, cause they actually like it.

I want to have fits of simplicity whereby I make phone calls and force otherwise sane individuals to come over and sleep on my floor as we plan such creative efforts as who gets the remote and what kind of food should we order, or just plan some monopoly and fight over who gets to be banker,who gets the thimble (mine!!!), and what kind of food we should order. We could plan some kind of creative thing where we decorate my place and make huge walls of mismatched color, chase each other with paintbrushes, and discuss what kind of food we should order. We could celebrate sports and argue over if that play was fair, and if that mash into the nearest surface hurt, and what kind of food we should order. LOL

I like having friends on-line, but I miss being allowed to entertain and have fun with people. I miss friends and special people who snuggle with me when the night is too long. I sound like a huge whiner but I am just working so much I cannot bear it. I am proud of all I have accomplished, I work my tail off to make myself something, and when I am not panicking about my grades or my job, I have so many other lovely things to think about….most of them bad. I want some fun. I needs some goofy smiles to warm my heart. I want my other sock and I want him now!!! Darn it.

I think I am growing fond of my bedroom ceiling. It doesn’t mind that I talk to it and I can sing and it will not raise the radio in hopes it will drown me out. He listens to me say off the wall things, and he actually likes that, cause he is somewhat a wall himself, only sideways and upside down, sort of like me. Want a peek into my brain?

Me: I like beans and bananas but never in one place.

Ceiling: I like beans and bananas so take that sad look off your face.

Me: I like beans and bananas..cause I have taste that runs wild.

Ceiling: I like beans and bananas, but I cannot eat them..my child.

Me: More for me..can’t you see? I am a growing me.

ceiling: I can imagine for you must be told, I have no eyes to see.

Me: what a pity..I am wearing a nice nightgown..it’s one of the ones I bought

ceiling: It must be pretty, my dear so I will agree, you are looking rather hot.

Me: Why thank you ceiling, you have such good taste. Thats why we get along.

ceiling: Yes, my dear..it is quite true..this is where I clearly belong.

Me: I will sing you to sleep..in the dark and the deep, do you have a preference this time?

ceiling: sing me that tune about treading water, I like the rhythm and the rhyme.

Me: (drifting off to sleep) Thank you ceiling, you are soo kind, I will try not to snore to loudly…

ceiling: good night bekki, do not worry, I will be here to watch over you proudly.

::::Sigh:::

Pathetic really.